found in an old journal:

2AM came quickly with you, writhing under your body, the freckles on your shoulders folding forward into the dips above my collarbones as you moved in tandem with my hips. the warmth of your body led me forward and back again, and as you'd run your hands over my body, you'd comment on the softness of my skin...
later that night, in the darkness of your townhouse, you'd hold me close to you as my exhaustion would result in the loss of my typically well-in tact foolishness filter. your hands - warm and small and yet unexplainably powerful - ran circles across my shoulder blades while my fingers grasped on to the stray fingers draped across my side.
at some point in our delirium, as i was fighting sleep and losing not so gracefully, i heard you whisper something - "don't go." though purposefully quiet, it felt like the words were delivered clearly and specifically just for my ears. turning over, i found your body and clasped my arms, hands, and legs around you, wishing to preserve the moment unadulterated in my memory.
morning came to shared cups of tea, criminal minds, cuddling, walking the dogs, your insistence on the "cuteness" of my laugh and the small snores i gave off while curled up next to you in bed. you'd made breakfast and warmed lunch and packed snacks for my trip. you walked me out and said goodbye...
now, miles away and two days removed, i'm starting to wonder if all of that had been reality. i'm learning to be patient, but the insecurity of the situation is terrifying. will i fall again and be met by the ground instead of your arms? i can feel myself fostering a bond that is hard to break, and every time i feel it, i push my walls back up. have i lost my ability to trust fully now? have i fallen into the void of dark expectations, of loss of more than love?
3 months from now, the fortune said. in 3 months... now only a few days away. is it you, peter pan? is my compass leading me to you? is my heart pointing to the future of road trips and good music and mornings filled with tea? or is this going to be just another phase in this journey?
and yet all i can hear is your whispering "don't go" in the dead of the night...