i wish:

i wish i could tell you what it really feels like.

oh, no, wait - that's exactly what it feels like.
exhaustion, curling up behind your eyes,
resting in between the muscles of your arms, your legs —
confusion, wanting to explain this mass
of mixed emotion in your heart, but left quieted
by things never expressed in words —
indecision, going between wanting to sleep
and yet never wanting to sleep and
being with people but wanting to be nowhere near them —
irritation, at the slightest hint of things
you know would never both you before —
shame, guilt, pain, confusion, anger, apathy,
isolation, frustration, stress, embarrassment,
all moving under these curtains
on a cold december night.