depression is like...

disclaimer: this is a post i'll be updating (hopefully) rather frequently because a). it's something i need to get out and b). hopefully somewhere along the way, it will help someone to not feel alone (even though i know depression manifests in so many ways).

depression is like... watching a scene in a movie where you can hear everything that's going on, but the first person perspective is completely quiet - you can hear the sink running and your feet moving across the floor, and you know it's your body, but you still feel like you're just watching it on a screen.

depression is like... knowing you have so many things you need to do, but having absolutely no motivation to remove your body from a bed, much less do any of those things.

depression is like... making mental plans to do the things you love the most, and then when it comes time to do them, just feeling so mentally and emotionally drained that you can't possibly imagine doing any of them, even though you know you love them.

depression is like... being in a room of people you love dearly, knowing that they love you and that you love them back, and yet still feeling like a complete stranger.

depression is like... the massive weight of the rock of "disappointment," "guilt," and "shame" perpetually being placed on your chest, often to the point of being unable to breathe.

depression is like... hearing people say things like "it'll be all right," "things will get better," "you deserve to be happy," "just think positive thoughts," and wanting to do everything possible to get to those points, but feeling so confused that you don't even know where to start.

depression is like... tears welling up in your eyes when you want them the least.

depression is like... the realization that the only reason why this feeling hasn't been more pronounced in the past is probably a). because of age and b). because you probably drank/did drugs to get through it, and since you're making a renewed vow to your mental health, you now have to just sit with it.

depression is like... the understanding that dogs really were put on this earth to be the best comforts in the world.

depression is like... constant, absolutely overwhelming, incredibly frustrating exhaustion. especially from someone who is always striving, who can't sit still, who is working as hard as possible at all times.

depression is like... scrubbing the same spot on the kitchen counter 5 times because you long to shut the voices in your head up so much.

depression is like... feeling like you just swallowed your body weight's worth of bricks.

depression is like... the feeling of constant irritation, and then instant guilt for that constant irritation because you know, deep down, that you don't actually mean to be irritated at all.

depression is like... the feeling of shame because you just need to suck it up, snap out of it, and get over it, right?